Reflecting on Men’s Mental Health

by Taylor Palmer

Trigger warning: mention of suicide

Every November, Men’s Mental Health Month brings awareness to the specific ways men struggle with their mental and emotional wellbeing. Reflecting on these challenges can help us to better understand them and support the men in our lives well beyond the month of November. We are surrounded by messages that argue men should have complete control over their emotions and avoid vulnerability at all costs. Despite these narratives, and in some cases because of them, men can feel hopeless and alone when faced with mental health struggles.

One of the most alarming statistics regarding men’s mental health states men are 2-3 times more likely to die by suicide than women. The stigma that surrounds seeking professional help prevents many individuals from accessing invaluable services, but due to external pressures and internalized myths, men are even less likely to seek out mental health supports. Not only do erroneous beliefs about masculinity impact men’s access to these valuable resources, but these beliefs can also impact how mental illness manifests in men and stand in the way of developing healthy coping mechanisms.

            Myths about masculinity often prevent men from taking meaningful action to improve their mental health. Many different masculinities exist outside “traditional” or “conventional” masculinity, and these masculinities are often either compared to a fictional ideal or denied entirely. Hegemonic masculinity refers to the set of characteristics that make up this supposed ideal, from broad identity categories—for example, the myth that “real” men are able-bodied or cisgendered—to a system of prescriptive values—like how men should behave rationally and not let their emotions influence them. By striving for this likely unattainable goal, men might ignore or avoid the supports at their disposal. Accessing professional help directly contradicts the myth that men should not express their emotions. Even worse, when men compare themselves to this standard, shame can arise from the disparity between the perceive goal and reality, exacerbating their struggles.

            The value many people—not just men—place in hegemonic masculinity can lead men to distance themselves from their emotions. We’ve all heard the phrases “boys don’t cry” or “take it like a man.” From a young age, men are taught to equate healthy emotional expression with weakness. Men may believe they need to suppress their difficult feelings to be considered masculine.

The belief than men should not express their emotions can affect how mental illness appears in men. Feelings like anxiety may manifest as anger, since anger is often deemed the only acceptable emotion for men to display. Some men only realize their mental health issues after visiting a doctor over physical symptoms—like difficulty breathing or chest pain, common symptoms of panic attacks. Distancing themselves from difficult emotions means that men may lack the awareness required to seek out appropriate help when they need it.

A healthy support network can make a huge difference in coping with emotional challenges, but many of the characteristics that contribute to building healthy, lasting relationships exist at odds with hegemonic masculinity. Vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and empathy all contribute to building strong relationships, but many men may distance themselves from these qualities because they are seen as weak or unnecessary.

Raising awareness is the first step towards meaningful change. Once we understand how men can struggle with mental health, we become better able to support them. Navigating difficult emotions can be a challenge for anyone, especially those who have never developed the skills to do so. When supporting the men in our lives, offering emotional validation can go a long way to remind them that they are not alone. Remind them their emotions make sense and everybody struggles with how they feel sometimes. Validate without trying to solve their problems. You can make things easier without having to fix things for them.

If you are struggling with unexpected or challenging feelings, there are several strategies that can help you face your emotions rather than shying away from them. When uncomfortable feelings arise, notice how they feel in your body without labelling them as negative. If you feel overwhelmed by racing thoughts, try going for a walk or hitting the gym to return to your body and clear your mind. Journaling or confiding in your support system can also help you to make sense of your feelings and process them. All of these tools can help to ease the burden of overwhelming emotions and learn a little more about yourself in the process.

If you or someone you know are considering suicide, call any of the following numbers or your local crisis centre:

Talk Suicide Canada - 1-833-456-4566

Kids Help Phone - 1-800-668-6868

BC Crisis Centre - 1-800-784-2433

Taylor Palmer (B.A. Psychology) is a writer, performer, and creator whose work has been featured in festivals across Canada, including the Reel 2 Real Film Festival. They currently work from Vancouver, BC.